Loving someone with cancer

Of the most serious things that could happen to you or someone you love, there is illness. You probably know what I'm talking about - things like cancer, heart problems, diabetes. But unfortunately, these illnesses do happen to good kids every day. When I was 14, I met a boy right before I started high school. We were both on vacation and he literally popped out of the water in front of me and said hello. He seemed nice, cute, and a bit thin. What I remember most about meeting him what that he told me, right away, that he had leukemia. Now, being that I had never had a boyfriend, I had no clue about how to get one or, once I got one, what to do. And then I got one times 10.

Tom (name changed) was 17 and had just finished his first round of chemo at Children's Hospital of Orange County (CHOC). He was on vacation because he'd just been released from the hospital. However, he had another round of chemo waiting for him when he returned home.

I was curious about Tom and why he chose to befriend me. Perhaps he was lonely and longing for the life he had before cancer, which seemed to be wild. Tom was not innocent, nor was he shy in telling me about where he'd been and what he'd done.

Once we both got home from vacation, I saw him a few times and talked to him in the hospital during his chemo. Tom was very sick from the treatment but still kept his spirits up and seemed happy to have me to talk to. And then I got scared... scared of his intentions, scared of his extreme personality, and scared of where the path would lead if I kept seeing him. I decided to stop communicating with him after a few months when it got to be too much - with him in the hospital throwing up, me being so darn naive and the fact that I was trying to figure out high school and life in general.

Today, I feel sad when I think about Tom. He needed me as a friend during a dark and lonely time in his life. Because I thought about "what if" now and again through the years, I decided to write A Place In This Life, a novel that explores what might have been, and could have been. The story came after I had my own scare with possible thyroid cancer; I was compelled to share the complex emotions, fears, and love that can come forward in such a relationship when you're young and confused.

If you're a young person who knows and loves someone with cancer, you are a brave and giving soul. Take it one day at a time, share your feelings with others, and know that you are helping someone who really, really needs you.

Sitting On the Steps of What's Next

My husband and I took our almost-four-year-old son, Mitchell, to the Orange County Fair yesterday. It was his first time, and he was well aware of all the colors, noises, games and other diversions - everything left him overwhelmed and crying on the steps of the bumper car ride. Just a case of wanting to do everything at once? Perhaps. I am almost 40 and still feel that way, and although I have yet to find myself on the steps of an amusement ride, I do find myself often on the steps toward whatever is next.

What is it like sitting, waiting, wondering what is at the top of the steps? You could say it is my hopes, dreams and desires, but then you'd sound like an ad writer. Whatever is up there remains a mystery. I like to think it is a door that could open at any minute. There is no "Be Back At Noon" sign on the front, or a decal that lists what hours that the door is open. I simply sit and wait, occasionally running back down the steps and then up again, hoping that action on my part will somehow make the door open. Sometimes, like my son, I cry on the steps, frustrated and overwhelmed with it all. The urge to just run down all of them and away is tempting. But this is my door, and patience is part of the game that ultimately will lead to it being opened.

The Power of No

It has been a long time since I received a rejection letter. As a teenager, I wrote articles and sent them off to publications such as Seventeen without so much as consulting their submission requirements. With just hope and joy and a love of writing, I pursued submissions half-assedly. Ahhhh, adolescence!

Today, more than 20 years later, sending submissions is a very serious business to me. Having been a copywriter and magazine editor, I learned that it makes a difference how you approach your audience, whether that means a demographic or the lofty one behind the desk of some magazine (Ha! As if being an editor is lofty!).

Some of the writers who approached me with articles were very professional and had obviously taken the time to read our submission requirements. Others seemed to have an automatic "here's my article of the month" that was sent without regard to the magazine's needs. And still, oh lordy, there were those who wrote bad and submitted their articles even worse. In fact, at one time there was this pushy lady who went out and wrote a story and insisted that our publication had agreed to buy it (this was before I was the editor). I couldn't find her contract, but noticed that she had worked with other editors in our group, so I gave her the benefit of the doubt. Big mistake! Miss Pushy not only plied me with a less-than-stellar article, she showed utter lack of professionalism by asking for much more money than our pub typically paid for articles. When it came time to tell her "no" she threw a hissy fit.

Humph!

So naturally, when I started submitting my own manuscript to agents for consideration, I went about it as professionally as possible. My eyes turned red from reading so many submission requirements. Pressing SEND on the computer left my finger in pain. But it was worth it, because after 10 queries sent (mind you, more have been sent since then) I received a request for a full, and two for partials. And then the "no" word came rolling in as well. Some agents threw it out quickly, and I was grateful. Others have yet to respond... if they ever will. Silence means no, but it is also golden (or so my mom always said).

I personally understand how busy publishing is, and am glad to have received responses from some of the folks I queried - good and bad. Really, though, there is nothing bad about this process... unless you're one of those people who throws a hissy fit because of your bad submission.

Words to Hyperventilate By

When I'm really excited about something, I hyperventilate. It's a good thing actually, but annoying as I become over-oxygenated and partially black-out in front of the computer screen. Why do I hyperventilate? Because I'm a panic attack pro.

Anxiety - good and bad - has always been a monkey on my back. In college I could be counted on to stand up in the middle of a lecture, turn green, and walk out. Always a fun date, I would have to excuse myself in the middle of a movie to go chill in the bathroom (preferably the last stall). My friends didn't get it, thinking all I needed was a beer and a nap to regulate my system.

Fortunately, the panic attacks subsided as I plodded through adulthood, but it seems they are coming back. With the joy and excitement of finally allowing myself to write something other than ad copy, I've really embraced my huffing and puffing over query letters, manuscript submissions and synopsis hell. It looks like this time around, hyperventilating is my outlet for expression.

Lose Your Writing, Lose Yourself

Ah, this brings back fond memories of copywriting. Slaving over campaigns. Concepting new ideas to sell, sell, sell! When I think back to those days, which were not long ago, I see a double-edged sword. On one side, I learned more than I ever dreamed about what makes people tick, salivate and want to buy a product or service. I also honed my organizational skills with regard to writing. On the other side, I learned that when you write all day for a living, you often burn-out on your own creative writing. I think that is what happened to me.

Consequently, for 16 years I wrote marketing copy and magazine articles, as well as edited a national magazine (also a good job for those who want to write well). As a copywriter, I often came home too tired to write anything else. I didn't want to see another word. I used bad grammar on purpose after-hours (like a true word sinner). You see, I thought I had to make my job revolve around writing, and most often for the writer this means copywriting. Wrong.

Putting your first love on the back burner breaks your heart and your soul. This is because you need to write. It is your heart's desire. No, I don't mean copywriting, even though there are certainly folks out there that love it to no end. What I mean is that when you hide an essential piece of who you are, you tend to lose your entire self.

Now that I am out of copywriting (thanks to the recession), I've had more time than I could ask for to string lovely words together into stories of lust and deceit! The passion is back, and so is my creativity.

Of course, I do need a day gig, but now I know it doesn't have to revolve around my passion for writing.

It's Raining In July

Well, it might be in Florida in the literal sense. In California, however, it's warm, a little humid, windy and there are tropical clouds dotting the skies. Perfect weather for frizzy hair, or as my mother calls it, Tahitian Hair. I give up on trying to straighten the dickens out of my locks when the weather is like this.

On another note, I just received another request from an agent to see A Place In This Life. It's a partial request, plus a synopsis, so I'll be working through the 4th of July weekend putting together a package. The agent is in San Diego, so I am sure she is also experiencing the joy of Tahitian Hair, unless, of course, she is lucky enough to have stick straight hair!

Cheers!

- Julie

Query, can you hear me?

After months of slaving over a hot keyboard, I finally had a polished manuscript and query letter ready to go. Ten queries sent later, I was surprised to find a request for the full manuscript. This came less than 24 hours after I sent the query! So, I spent last night blinding myself with another proofing of the script, and sent it off this morning. Now I am chewing my hangnails.

There are still about 10 more agencies to send the query to, and all I want to do is start my next project. In that case, I'm off to take some Tylenol....

- Julie